Of all the cookies in the world, snicker doodles are one of my least favorite. Sure, they are way better than gross, flavorless, crumbly shortbread cookies, who can only redeem themselves if they are saturated in chocolate, but compared to a good chocolate chip or peanut butter? Please.
However, my grandma made these snicker doodles for me when I was a kid and being the nice kid I was, I ate them.
So she made more.
So I ate more.
So she made more.
So I ate more.
You can see where this went.
Once, during my high school years, a few friends stopped by.
A few high on the marijuana friends stopped by.
And my grandma had just made me a fresh batch of these cookies, of which I was MORE than happy to share.
Now, two teenage males can eat a lot. Two teenage males who had just smoked a solid amount of pot? Can eat several dozen cookies, much to my grandmother and my delight.
Which they did.
Once I was on my own, I was able to stop snickerdoodling.
Several years past.
No snicker doodles.
Whenever people would discuss snicker doodles, I would make sure they knew I did NOT like them...just in case they ever decided to bestow upon me a cookie basket, they would know what would not fly.
Neither would a fruit basket.
A basket stuffed full of Starbucks cards?
------sigh------
Once enough time had passed, I revisited the idea of snicker doodling again.
I had found a 3 x 5 index card with the recipe written in my grandma's old lady penmanship and decided I'd make them just to see if they were how I remembered.
They were.
However, this time I shared them with self proclaimed cookie connoisseurs who were NOT high.
They. Loved. Them.
As in INSANELY loved them.
They also thought I was nuts for wrinkling my nose at them.
Anyway.
If you're looking for a "perfect" snicker doodles (not my adjective, but that of several who have tried them), give Grandma Ethel's recipe a try.
Just don't expect me to try them.
Snicker doodles
Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.
If you have a convection oven, do it to 375.
--2 sticks of room temperature butter. It has to be room temperature or the sugar won't get all creamy with the butter and it'll end up chunky and weird. Room temperature. Got it?
--1.5 Cups of Sugar
Beat together until all fluffy and pale.
While this is happening, mix your dry ingredients.
Rather than use a sifter that has a small opening, and in my case, rust, I like to use one of these strainers. Sure, you won't be spinning the sifter wheel, but what are you? Six? Get over it. My way is better.
--2.75 cups of flour
--2 Tablespoons (yes, TABLESPOONS) cream of tartar (wtf is this stuff, anyway??)
--1 teaspoon baking soda
--1/2 teaspoon salt
Notice I'm doing decimals AND fractions?
I'm clever like that.
Dump the dry ingredients in a bowl, using the brilliant and somewhat scientific method I have shown above.
Now, go back to your sugar and butter mixture, which should be all fluffy.
Add:
--2 eggs, one at a time and do what those chefs say and crack your egg into a little bowl before you dump it in because you really don't want to go hunting for egg shells in your cookie dough.
--1 teaspoon vanilla
As your mixer is sloooooowwwwllllyyyyy mixing, add your dry ingredients, a cup or so at a time.
Scrape down the sides of the bowl.
Did I REALLY need to say that? Oh.
Take a small bowl and add 3 tablespoons of sugar and a teaspoon or so of cinnamon...you're making cinnamon sugar which you will coat your cookie balls with.
Heh heh.
Balls.
Roll your cookie dough into little balls, about the size of your big toe.
What? A golf ball or ping pong ball would be too big and I'm assuming you don't have mutant feet and that your human feet will provide you with a good gauge for your dough ball size.
But I could be wrong.
If I am, maybe you shouldn't wear sandals.
OK.
So roll each little ball in your cinnamon sugar mix and plop it on your cookie sheet that you've lined with parchment paper.
Squish them nicely so they look like little discs.
Once you've made them all, survey the damage.
Practice your fellatio technique on your fingers.
Swallow.
Pop the cookie sheet in the oven.
Bake for 9 minutes.
I only have one cookie sheet, so I tell myself my cookies cook 'more evenly' if I just bake them one sheet at a time. If you have more than one cookie sheet, count yourself lucky.
While these bake, check on son.
Who is clearly enjoying the process of atrophy.
Once your cookies are done, they will look like this
Then, because you didn't make these for yourself, they will look like this
Note: cheese cake pan held a blue cheese cheese cake that sounds gross but is over the top delectable and will probably make it's way into my groovy cookbook.
Seriously, everyone loves these cookies.
I don't know why, but they do.
Try them and let me know what you think.
And if you feel badly that I only have one cookie sheet, feel free to send me another one.
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